Topsy Turvy
by Jellysnack
Summary: Six weeks after Carmen is born Santana takes her on the subway for the first time. Part of the 'I'll Carry You Home' universe.


_A/N: This is the first one shot in the "I'll Carry You Home" universe. Not really a stand alone piece, as you need a lot of the background information. Or at least I think so._

* * *

Six weeks after Carmen is born Santana takes her on the subway for the first time. Brittany isn't with them to call a cab, so she acts like the New Yorker she's become and boards the only slightly crowded subway and heads for 42nd street. Carmen is snuggled close to her in her in the baby carrier her mother gave her before she went back to Ohio. A young businessman sees her step onto the train and offers her his seat, she smiles and nods her thanks as she sits and strokes the top of Carmen's head.

"See baby girl, the subway is fine. Your mommy's just a little crazy sometimes." She whispers and smiles as Carmen sighs like she agrees.

A woman in a smart business suit next to Santana smiles as she watches her hum quietly into the curly dark hair atop Carmen's head. "She's beautiful." The woman tells her.

Santana looks up and smiles, "Thank you."

"How old is she?"

"Six weeks, and this is her first subway ride. But we're not going to tell mommy, are we?" She smiles as she kisses Carmen's head and sees the woman's smile mirroring her own.

"First subway ride? She seems to be taking it like a pro. Mom doesn't want her to ride the subway?" She smiles again as Santana looks up with a sheepish smile.

"She didn't like _me_ riding the subway when I was pregnant, and if she had it her way this little one would be in a bubble until she's thirty."

The woman smiles as the subway starts to slow and sees that Santana is getting ready to get off, she offers her hand, "Here. I have three of them at home."

"Thank you." She stands with the help of the other woman and steadies herself as the subway stops and the doors open.

As she walks up the steps to take her outside she keeps her hand on the back of Carmen's head and smiles as a few tourists part for her and allow her to turn onto 42nd. Santana has a meeting with a few producers from Disney Theatrical to talk about working with one of their writers on some new ideas. When she told Brittany, she all but screamed with excitement about her wife working for Disney.

"_Can we get into Disneyland for free?" She beamed as she held a somewhat irritated Carmen. It was close to feeding time and she always gets grumpy when she realizes that she can't nurse from anyone who's holding her._

"_I don't know, it's just a meeting." She smiles when she looks up from her notes from her brief phone interview. "They've got a bunch of projects in the works and want some new people."_

"_That's so awesome. Your mama's really awesome, you know that baby girl? Of course you do." She sways from side to side as she walks around the apartment. "She's giving me the angry fish face." Brittany laughs as Carmen scrunches her face like she understands the nickname. She takes in a few deeper breaths like she's getting ready to wail, but calms as soon as she's nestled against Santana._

"_Alright alright." She coos._

"_When is your meeting?"_

"_Monday morning, around eleven." She chuckles as Brittany scrunches her nose and frowns, "What?"_

"_How are you going to get there?"_

She shakes her head as she remembers Brittany arguing about calling her a car ahead of time. "See, the subway isn't so bad." She murmurs quietly as she makes her way to the entrance of the New Amsterdam Theatre and tells the attendant that she has an appointment. He tells her to take the elevator and that someone will meet her upstairs. After she steps out of the tiny elevator she smiles as she sees props and costume pieces from various productions. She makes a mental note to tell Brittany about the masks from _The Lion King_ that sit in the corner.

The receptionist smiles up at her, "Can I help you?"

"Hi, I'm Santana Lopez-Pierce, I –"

"Oh, I'll tell them you're here." She interrupts and Santana smiles at the fact that she knows who she is. "Is this the little one everyone was talking about?" She leans over the desk to look at Carmen.

"Everyone was talking about her?"

"It's not every day an up and coming composer goes into labor during a workshop and doesn't tell anyone." The young woman smiles and giggles as Carmen yawns and flutters her eyes like she knows someone new is watching her. "She's so cute!"

"Thanks. We're pretty fond of her." Santana smiles and looks up as the same guy who was at the workshop walks towards her with a big smile.

"Santana! It's good to see you again." He stops in front of her and kisses her cheek. "And this must be Carmen!"

Santana smiles as he levels himself with Carmen so he can take a good look at her sleeping face, "Yes it is. And we just rode the subway for the first time."

"Well, that's an adventure!" He smiles and motions for her to follow him, "She's beautiful, and we're so happy to have you here."

She follows him into the main offices and marvels at how beautiful it is. She could get used to working here. She loves seeing more and more pieces from various shows she's seen and a few from shows she doesn't recognize, she wants to ask but feels now isn't the time to turn into a six year old fan girl. That can wait until she's signed some contract that says they can't fire her for being a secret Disney nerd.

He leads her to one of the smaller meeting rooms that looks out over the open first floor below them. Inside are already three other people who she assumes are associate producers. He introduces them before she sits and rearranges Carmen so she can sit comfortably in front of them.

By the end of the meeting Santana has five scripts for different shows and a request to have a phone interview with people from their animation studios on the west coast looking for new composers. Her head spins a little when words like _Tony_ and _Oscar_ are thrown into the mix, they laugh a little when her eyes glaze over.

She walks out of the office thinking about the scripts she has in her bag. How one of them is based on her favorite Disney movie and how much Brittany is going to freak out when she finds out they want her to write the music for it. She's so lost in thought she doesn't see the person standing right in front of her at the subway entrance. "Oh, I'm so sorry." Her hands are already holding Carmen, ready to protect her against anything she might bump into. But when the hands that rest on her shoulders to steady her feel familiar, she looks up, "Uh oh."

"Yeah, uh oh." Brittany tells her as Santana grimaces at being caught. "What happened to taking a car?"

"It was so nice out and I wanted to walk a little and she has to ride the subway at some point and she was _fine_ we both were please don't be mad." She breathes out as Brittany's eyebrows disappear into her hairline.

Brittany sighs, "How was your meeting?"

Santana stutters for a second before smiling, "It was great! I can't wait to show you what they want me to work on."

Brittany leads them down the steps to the subway and listens as Santana recounts their morning subway ride and her meeting. She has to stop herself from squealing when Santana tells her all of the projects she's been offered. "You're going to do them, right?"

"I don't know about _all_ of them. That's a lot of stuff to write." She smiles as Brittany flips through the scripts in her bag.

"But they're all so awesome." There's a hint of awe in her voice as she looks at the titles.

"Maybe we should have a movie night, see which ones stand out the most."

"That my dear, is an excellent idea." Brittany kisses her temple and smiles as they ride the subway in silence.

When they get home they don't expect Quinn to open the door with a panicked look on her face. "Q?" Santana asks as her hands come up to protect Carmen from whatever has frightened her best friend.

"Your dad is here." She rushes out in a whisper.

"What?" Both Santana and Brittany ask.

"Yeah. He got here about ten minutes ago and wants to talk to you."

"Did he say what it was about?" Brittany asks as she watches Santana figure out what she wants to do.

"No. Just that he wanted to see her and that he wasn't going to leave until he did."

"And you just let him in?" Brittany starts to let her anger and frustration show as she watches Santana's eyes dart around the hallway.

"I panicked. I'm sorry."

Quinn and Brittany watch Santana as she takes Carmen out of her carrier and hands her to Brittany, "Take her into our room."

"Santana, you don't –" Brittany starts.

"I know. But I want to know why he's here and I don't want him near her. Please. I'll call you if I need you." She kisses Brittany and then the top of Carmen's head as she walks back into the apartment. Brittany and Quinn follow closely and walk into their bedroom before Mr. Lopez can see Carmen from where he stands by her piano.

Santana stands next to the sofa and watches her father watch her. She stands and breathes and waits for him to make the first move. She watches as he fidgets with his hands and finally clears his throat while he stares at his feet.

"Santana I, I'm sorry." He finally looks back up at her and sees that her expression hasn't changed. "Your mother told me what happened. Why didn't you tell me?" He watches her blank expression turn to one of anger.

"I tried to tell you. I told you I was pregnant and you started yelling and then left. When I tried to call, you wouldn't answer. Mom only found out because she came here and listened."

"Can I see her?"

"No."

"Santana, I said I –"

"That you were sorry? I heard you. When did mom tell you?" She crosses her arms and watches as her father shifts uncomfortably on his feet.

"After she came back from your wedding." He sighs and runs a hand over his worn features.

"That was four months ago."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that! You've known for four months what happened. Do you know what's happened in four months? I got married. I had a baby. Mom has visited three times. Where the hell were you?" She spits at him. She can see Brittany and Quinn watching from the small gap in the door of their bedroom, both of them look concerned.

"I was wrong Santana. Please understand."

"Understand what? That you turned your back on me? That you just left me here? I worked two jobs so I could stay in school and still pay rent because you cut me off. I was pregnant and scared and you left me." She stops when she can hear Carmen start to cry in the bedroom and she knows immediately that she's hungry. Santana watches her father look towards the bedroom with a new sort of longing. "You should go."

"Santana, I am your father." She hasn't heard that tone since she was a teenager.

"And this is _my_ home and _my_ family. You're not welcome here." She can see Brittany edging closer to the door with a hungry and furious Carmen against her. She looks like she wants to help but is torn between going to Santana and keeping Carmen away from the tension in the room.

Quinn steps into the room with a determined face, "Mr. Lopez, you should go."

"You want to be a father? Then do what's best and go." Santana finally snaps after he stares at the doorway Brittany is standing in.

It takes another minute of staring before Mr. Lopez turns and walks toward the door. He pauses when he stands close enough to Brittany that he can see the top of Carmen's head. Brittany pulls Carmen closer to her and ignores the hurt look that flashes across his face as he moves to the door. They all hear the quiet "I'm sorry mija" before the door clicks shut behind him.

As soon as he's gone Santana sinks onto the sofa and buries her face in her hands, Brittany is beside her a second later, Carmen still crying as she puckers her mouth in search of her meal. "Shh, its okay. You're okay."

Santana looks up at Brittany's concerned face and cradles her arms for Carmen, they don't speak as Brittany helps her to unbutton her shirt. Santana is too shaken from the encounter with her father to do more than help Carmen find her breast, tears still running down her cheeks. It takes a few minutes for Santana to calm while Carmen snuffles against her and Brittany wipes the tears from her face.

Quinn waits for her to finish nursing before she disrupts the quiet that they've fallen into. "I'm so sorry. I –"

"Please don't apologize. I'm so tired of hearing those words." She sighs as Brittany takes Carmen and stands so she can be burped before she takes a nap. They've learned that she likes to be walked around the room while they wait for her little burps. "Its just that I didn't expect to see him again. Or if I did it would be on my terms. Not his." She smiles when she hears Carmen burp and watches as she snuggles deeper into Brittany's arms.

"What do you want to do?" Brittany looks up from Carmen's sleeping face and studies the way that Santana's face can't settle on any one emotion. She flickers between hurt, scared, frustrated, and a little bit hopeful.

"I don't know." She leans back on the sofa now that her shirt has been buttoned back up, Quinn sinks in next to her and takes her hand. "I don't think he's going to leave anytime soon though."

"Maybe," Brittany pauses as she takes in her wife and her daughter, "Maybe you should go talk to him. Take some time and cool down and think of things you want to say to him."

"I don't want him near our baby girl."

"Meet him somewhere, at a coffee shop or the park. I can go with you if you want, and Quinn can watch Carmen." Santana knows that she's serious; she rarely calls Carmen by her name, choosing more often than not to call her Peanut.

"I can watch her, if that's what you want to do." Quinn offers and takes Santana's hand.

xxx

The next morning Santana calls her father and tells him that if he wants to talk he can meet them at a café a few blocks from their apartment. They leave Quinn and Carmen in the living room, Quinn snapping photos of Carmen as she falls asleep after being fed.

It's the first time they leave Carmen alone, even though she isn't really alone. It takes them ten minutes to leave.

Santana holds onto Brittany's hand tightly as they make their way down the street. At every crosswalk she tenses and Brittany knows that she's thinking of turning around and locking herself away. But she pushes on. When they get there Mr. Lopez is already sitting at a table nursing what looks to be a cold cup of coffee. He's staring at his mug so intently that he doesn't notice them until they sit down.

"You came, I mean, would you like something?" He gestures to the counter and half stands while Santana and Brittany shake their heads. "Oh. I'm glad you came." He looks like he's running through a planned out dialogue in his head, only Santana isn't saying anything, just staring at a man she no longer trusts. "I know you don't want to hear me apologize again, but I am sorry Santana. I really am."

Santana shifts uncomfortably in her seat and Brittany squeezes her hand, "Why now?" She sighs.

"Your mother kept talking about how beautiful she is and how you've become this wonderful mother."

"So you're only here because of mom?" Santana snaps, but Brittany can hear the hurt in her voice.

"I was at work and all I could see were these young mothers and their babies. I realized that she might be my only grandchild and I don't want to miss out on her life. On watching you become a mother and having a family of your own. Your mother thinks I'm in Atlanta at a conference." He goes back to watching his cold coffee.

They sit in the quiet of the small coffee shop ignoring the sound of the doorbell and the various coffee machines behind the counter. Santana breathes and closes her eyes to keep herself calm while she tries to answer her father's unanswered question. Brittany seems to feel everything that her wife is thinking and is the first to speak after a few minutes, "Carla is coming to visit in a few weeks." Both Santana and her father look up and watch Brittany as she tries to sort through the heavy emotions around the table, "She's coming to visit and maybe you should come with her then. It gives Santana and I time to deal with this and maybe you can see Carmen then." She can feel Santana relax next to her while Mr. Lopez tries to find a response. "I understand that you want to meet her, I do. But you hurt my wife, my _family_, and that is the best we can offer right now. We need time." She had hated that phrase while she waited to see Santana all those months ago, but now she understands.

Mr. Lopez looks up and studies the two women in front of him. He's watched them grow together since they were children; seen them play house together and try to hide their love for one another and finally embrace the love that they share. Now he watches them support each other and protect the love that they share for someone so small and new. He's hurting but he's never been more proud. He stands and smiles sadly, "I love you Santana."

They sit in silence after he leaves the café. Santana breathes a little easier as the cool air comes in as more customers come in for their morning coffee. "Thank you for that." Santana sighs as she leans her head onto Brittany's shoulder.

"Let's go home baby."

"Okay." She lets Brittany pull her to her feet and guide her home. When they walk into the apartment Carmen is still asleep, only now she's lying on Quinn's chest while Santana's music plays through the sound system.

"Hey how did it go?"

"It was, I don't want to talk about it right now. But he's going home." Santana tells her as she sinks on to the sofa and strokes Carmen's hair.

"She started crying right after you left. Turns out all she needs is some of her mama's music."

"And your heartbeat." Quinn looks up as Brittany starts sorting through their DVD collection. "She likes heartbeats."

"Oh." Quinn smiles and snuggles Carmen a little closer.

"Okay, here's all the movies that they've given you. Where do you want to start?" Brittany has the DVD's fanned out and shows them to Santana.

"Hmmm, that one." Santana points blindly, but Brittany knows what she's chosen.

A few minutes later the opening credits of Santana's favorite movie are playing out. Instead of watching the movie, Brittany watches Santana watch the film. She can tell that she's already writing the music in her head, she can see the notes playing out in front of her. Her fingers are already twitching to play the notes that Brittany knows will fill the apartment later on. This is the time that they need together before the outside world throws more curveballs at them.

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_A/N 2: This ended up being angstier than I thought…Sorry about that. There will be happier ones in the future!_


End file.
